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Angelus's Journal


Angelus's Journal

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30 entries this month
 

I'm a little narked.

23:19 Jun 28 2007
Times Read: 1,054


I'm a little narked. They wouldn't stick a needle in my wrist at hospital today: the doctor decided to send me for Phsio instead.. and if its still bad in four months, then I'll get the injectiom.. bah, why not save time.. and darm well give it me Now!?!


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"OHhhhhhhhh..."

15:37 Jun 28 2007
Times Read: 1,057


It's not a bad afternoon. Just put the final part of 'Hitchers Angel' up and I'm thinking of toddling off to Liverpool to voluntary work.

I'm still effed up my 'good night', although really, I don't know why thay call it that.. and I've been gardening, with my bad head!! OHhhhhhhhh...


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..yeah right!

15:25 Jun 28 2007
Times Read: 1,058


I'm never going to drink again!!

..yeah right!

But, Geez.. a bottle of Teachers doesn't go very far between four..

..and it doesn't do to have 'a good evening', before going to hospital.. not at all!


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QueenClover

15:22 Jun 28 2007
Times Read: 1,059


Having learn to my pleasure that Truthequalises is still here, I now lean QueenClover is gone..

Gone maybe.. but not forgotten.



Real nice lady. I'll miss her!


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fluffy day's.. and the M1 closed.

14:28 Jun 26 2007
Times Read: 1,065


It was raining yet again as I wrote this, as hard as it has all for days now. And it was written pen to paper, which brings to mind the job that I'd applied for the other day. I applied by email, for a job that didn’t even say what the firm was and there’s more of that happening now which it darn frustrating, as I do think that they should say at least who they are on the details you’re given at the jobcentre. But, that was yesterday, and today I’m sitting here somewhat frustrated, but comfortable and warm. Damn weather. Anyway, let me tell you about the second script reading, and me with the opportunity to tell you about Friday which could have been an abysmal farce. But, we had learnt why Lord Derby didn’t get back to Fiona about granting permission to film on his estate. The delay in contacting her had something to do with a rock festival being held on his estates and that hadn’t surprised us really, when you think about it, for longer than ten seconds. It had also been a real pity that so few had turned up, yet again. That’d been put down to a holiday for one and two rock festivals for a couple of others, at Glastonbury and the Knowsley on Lord Derby’s estate. And I’d taken my friend John with me, who is doing media studies and wanted some experience in the film making process and as it happens, it seems he’ll get what he wanted. As it transpires, he’s going to get the opportunity to shadow the soundman. He says that’ll make him a ‘sound guy.’ Yeah, really funny eh?

But, the pint we’d enjoyed after the practice had been good, as we’d sat there regaling each other with word use and abuse.

I just hadn’t been able to pronounce the word ‘fractal’ at all, which I’d found so frustrating it’s difficult describe. And talking of John brings me to the other night and talking to a Lady from Vampirerave, who lives in New Orleans. She’s a real wordsmith and I’d been absolutely delighted to be able to talk to her, thanks to the use of the mike that John had provided for me and helped me link up to my Heinz 57 tower, so that we’d been able to chat, via Yahoo messenger. That had been so enchanting. And yes, as you may tell from the words I’ve used, I rather like her. I have done so for quite awhile now and that opportunity was such a pleasant experience!

And all of that had been then today I sit here at the keyboard, on a fluffy blue-sky day, after a refreshing bath, listening to the radio as they talk of the results of the recent severe weather.

It seems that Sheffield was cut off, the M1 is closed and there is a reservoir that is threatening to break its banks and flood three towns.

And as I look out of the window, at the blue fluffy I find that difficult to believe and then the fellow on the radio gives a transport bulletin, talking of disruption due to the recent floods.

So all in all, I’m glad I live where I do.

No matter how bad the weather is, it doesn’t seem to affect us, too badly. Touch wood.


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armadillo

21:43 Jun 25 2007
Times Read: 1,068


I'm an an armadillo.

I unwrap myself to show my soft underbelly and heart to those I choose.

to the rest, I'm a crusty, wrinkly, cynical old git!!!


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Hitcher's Angel

14:56 Jun 24 2007
Times Read: 1,074


up to prt 4

prt 5 will be the last.. I hope!



It's now at the point where its writing itself!!


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Going to the Project.. 21st June 2007

23:29 Jun 21 2007
Times Read: 1,091






Before I’d left the house I’d two conversations with people I know on VR,

The first had been courtesy of a rather good question, and particularly in lieu of the fact that I’d just had a nark with my Father, about something and nothing.

I’d been asked, “why don’t you move out?”

So, I’d explained about my folks age; and how they were there for me when I’d needed, twice; and I can’t see them in an old folks home, all of which makes sense to me, after all...

Then I’d prompted someone to explain why they’d sounded as low as I can feel.

Their reasons were valid, of course; the same as mine in fact: lonely, no job and living under another’s roof.

But, as I was on the way to help out at the soup kitchen my responses had been curt, yet honest.

“I have two arms, two legs and as far as I know, no-one is trying to blow mw up.”

And all of that?? It’s from someone who used to be classed as manic-depressive.

I guess in a way, I’m a little better at putting things in perspective now.

As it was, I got there alright, showers notwithstanding – and people got fed: and a Polish fellow should now be able to find some of the Old Polish Community in Liverpool.

And then I got a lift to the station to go home off Mina and John: and we parked the car near the station, as building work precluded us from taking it further.

Then we went to stand outside Moorfields Station to look at the old ‘Yates’ pub, now a sculpture called ‘inside out’ or something like that, by Richard Wilson.

And while people looked and stared at a circle of concrete wall, turning slowly, I had taken pictures of them.

Then I’d walked my friends back to the car I’d been looking up at the buildings, as people rarely do… and got some crackin pictures of gargoyles.

I mean, why don’t people seem to bother looking in a direction other than straight ahead? There’s so much to see…

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truthequalslies

22:14 Jun 20 2007
Times Read: 1,104


From:

truthequalslies



16:54:45

Jun 19 2007



This was the last time I heard from the young lady, who I like..

..it'd been a fairly good conversation, with no reason given as to why she'd delete her account.



Then today, it was gone. I will miss her, greatly.



And looking to my 'Last 10' she checked in on me.



Sometimes, just sometimes, it's a bugger, getting to know someone and just losing the from your world, like that!


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I need a shave.

23:07 Jun 19 2007
Times Read: 1,114


I've sittin here cross legged on an old wooden chair, wearing blue jeans and a white shirt worn loose, very loose..



lookin down at my chest.. I need a shave.


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bum.

22:10 Jun 19 2007
Times Read: 1,116


..hot n sticky with a storm overhead now.. and digital tv doesn't like storms and I just lost CSI



bum.



Analogue wouldn't have done that..


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what made me.. the finished edit.

14:13 Jun 18 2007
Times Read: 1,136


I had to write an essay about me, to validate that I can do a job, without the qualification they ask for..

It's quite an exposé about what made me who I am..

Some of it is going on VR, as it illustrates what made me who I am.







"Many of us have similar aspirations; adequate clothing, housing and some form of personal satisfaction.



Yet, the singularity of human existence means that for each of us, how we achieve these goals is very personal.



When I had been younger, I had tried many drugs, as a ‘dabbler’ with people who became habitual heroin users: but when two friends I had associated with had followed a path that was self-destructive, I hadn’t.



The loss of my Grandmothers affected me greatly. I had been looking after her through the onset of dementia and as long as I was able to before her death.

I had followed several courses, in basic social and psychology and counselling skills.

The lessons I learnt had piqued my interest and I’d wanted to know more, do more: and ‘make a difference.’



I became a policeman, with the idea of ‘helping people.’ But, the training I had found at Bruche training centre at Warrinton was in my opinion teaching prejudice, so I left after just eleven days.

As it transpires, Bruche was closed, when this was discovered years later.



So, I’d become a volunteer with Bebington Social Services, working on the whole with Wil Redfern, the head of the service, doing things that Social Services couldn’t or wouldn’t do.



After a while, I became a volunteer in a council day unit for the elderly and disabled and performed the role of a care assistant, feeding and toileting the clients as needed.



Then there had been a spell working on the social services transport yellow ambulances as an attendant, which I’d done on a temporary basis, whilst I’d still worked at the day unit. But, it’d brought money in.



These two activities led to the job that I enjoyed the most through my working life, care assistant with Social Services. Much of my career with them had been spent in residential homes for the disabled over sixteen, until I had to leave my job after reporting a fellow care assistant for abuse to a client.



Having won a tribunal, I returned to being a care assistant, working with the elderly in a residential environment, until 1989 my life fell apart, when my partner of four years left me for my best friend: and, when the offence as described, ‘conspiracy to supply cannabis resin’ had occurred I was ‘on the sick’ suffering stress.

My life had fallen apart – and what happened was in part a consequence of that life-changing event. Yet, all of the was in the past.



I had returned home with a feeling of isolation from everything, which I began to alter slowly and with assistance, with a desire to seek change, happiness and fulfilment.



At first this had meant courses and then I’d begun relationship counselling, which had led my counsellor to suggest I work with a volunteer organization under the umbrella of her employees.



Initially I had been reticent to work with XUS, a group of ex-users providing support and aftercare, at a time when ‘aftercare’ as a word didn’t exist.

I had been wary, as I had not been addicted; whereas in turn, they were accepting of me as I proved myself as useful to the group, as office manager and darkroom tutor.



The service had been productive, until one of our group sat at a meeting with the local health services one evening and for personal reasons derided service provision.

Within days of that meeting XUS had been no more.



I then sought new avenues in which to utilise my time usefully, while unemployed.

Initially this was through a course, ‘Social Work Training.’ Yet, needed to satisfy my creative side, I had also joined a cartoon class in Liverpool, one of only two of its kind in the country. I had stayed there for several years, whether I been employed or unemployed, as I had found it liberating to learn that I wasn’t the only individual, amongst a class of creative individuals, all of whom thought they were the only one.



Following the Social Work Training, I had done a course in Management Training, which had entailed theory and project work. I had done my course project on the nature and principles involved with ‘Dual Diagnosis on The Wirral’.

The project had dealt with the correlation between drug abuse and homelessness on the Wirral: and I was proud to learn that it would be held as part of HIT’s resource.



Then I decided to further my interest in computers, through evening courses at first that were art-based packages. Having learnt that I was able do more that I’d thought possible, I had pursued it with my next course, ‘Support Users Of I.T’."



In 1999 my second fiancée left me for another, so I needed something positive to do and began the voluntary work that I still do today, working in a soup kitchen for the homeless, where I cooked initially, now mainly working the door, to a diverse group of individuals, many of whom are driven by their addictions, whether that is alcohol, or other substance abuses.



I fervently believe that much of ones life experiences mean that you can be suitable for a job, without the necessary qualifications. Yet that said, I enjoy learning and so would be willing to undertake any further training required to undertake a job, as I have done so with the NHS recently.



Through Ambition Health, a government sponsored pre-vocational course, I found employment with the NHS, as an ‘Audit Technician.’

With Ambition Health I obtained knowledge and qualifications in Health and Safety; issues of discrimination; as well as other soft skills needed to work with the public; and I had also taken my First-Aid once again, as part of the course.



In employment, I had organized the retrieval and disposal of computers, prior to the I.T. department’s rollout of new equipment, which had entailed working with a many very different types of people, from my colleagues in the department, to the managers if charge of local practices: and had entailed some stock control work; and the safe disposal, of ‘secure’ data. By the time my final contract ended, there had been little need of someone to fill that post on a permanent basis, so I’d become deskbound.



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I have more than a few good ones of those.

17:23 Jun 16 2007
Times Read: 1,145


Just got my father a Fathers Day card and some blackjacks to go init.

Thing is, I recall a time when he would be happy with a card I'd made..

then again, the image was good on the card, of a child in silhouette, playing on the beach with an older male figure.. and it talked of memories shared.



I have more than a few good ones of those.


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there are some cruel people here, it seems

15:45 Jun 14 2007
Times Read: 1,152


an I'm trying to get ready for voluntary work

with an upset friend on VR

and messenger!!

there are some cruel people here, it seems!


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scarecrows and sparrows...

12:40 Jun 14 2007
Times Read: 1,157


It's a very wet day as I sit here and I’m contemplating travel to Liverpool and the project and have just learnt that I can apply for a job I found in the paper, through a long phone-call, now thought I’d sit down to write and the darn pc is trying to restart, to install some updates!

The birds are still trying to get to the seed my Dad’s laid down recently, so I’ve just been outside to stick a white carrier bag on a cane, to scare the sparrows and pigeons away from it; while at the same time putting some bread and biscuit and dried fruit out for the, as an alternative.


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courtesy of a question asked about the ex's.

17:41 Jun 12 2007
Times Read: 1,167


both my relationships lasted four years.

first went off with my ex best friend.

so I tried to rip his head off.

the second tore my heart apart, after knowing of the first.

both Pisces, both four years; both sexually abused by relatives, and both cheated!!


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"I’m ready for action"

12:16 Jun 12 2007
Times Read: 1,173


Turned on the baby Travelmate at 12:31 and everyone’s in bed.

“Alright, I’m ready for action,” it had said, in a pleasant sounding voice, then blown kisses at me, to warn me Kapersky’s virus were out of date. It’s interesting what you can do in sounds and multimedia, in control panel.

And considering my last entry, I’d ended up retiring to my room feeling really quite light-hearted, even with tingling fingers.

I mean, after my last entry I went outside to water the lawn for my Father; and was relieved somewhat to find it was cooler than it had been earlier.

‘Coz boy, had it been hot, all day. So hot in fact, that I’d spent the day in shorts.

Anyway. Chores finished, I’d turned on the pc and re-entered VR

I’d stayed longer on VR than usual and ended up seeing chatting briefly with a young lady whose very presence online has my heart beating a little faster.

But, time had caught up with me and I’d had to go, much to my chagrin: go out the front door, to put the empty milk bottle out, as we needed milk and, a wonderful, cooling rain had been falling. So, for a while, I’d just stood there, feeling invigorated by the refreshing rain. Falling on my skin.

That and the young Lady had been a darn good way to end the night...


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I got called a 'bitch' today!

23:11 Jun 11 2007
Times Read: 1,177


I got called a bitch today. As for the 'bitch' remark.. it came from someone who rated my profile with a stamp after I asked them not to use one and did so anyway..

..it seems she doesn't like me.



It was said in the Vampbox. If anyone bothered to actually read what I'd written, they would have seen I’m a PM, not a free member, but this individual doesn’t listen to others, just loves the sound of her voice and the adulation of her house members.





I said it was wrong to read a bit of a profile and just stamp it.

She had thought it was fine, so I'd said, don't do mine.. so, she did.. and then carried on yalking to me, as if I were still a free member, which illustrated that she hadn't noticed.I'm not anymore.



So I said so..



She just ranted on about what had I as a free member contributed.

She didn't even bother to look to see that I'm a PM now.



How's that for a lack of observation!!?


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and the nibbles were nice.

00:24 Jun 09 2007
Times Read: 1,192


I went to my script reheasal tonight for the film to be shot later in the year.. and I wasn't half as bad as I'd thought I might be.. much better in fact.. and it'll probably be shot in Lord so an so's

with a couple of British celebs.. there is a local radio personality in it, whoi was there tonight, with an excellent commanding voice.. as well as those individuals who had bought their roles on Ebay.. and the nibbles were nice.


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My Dad...

14:47 Jun 08 2007
Times Read: 1,201


My Father is 80-odd.

He is so politically aware he should be a politician:

he knows more about the American Old West than most and he should be a historian:

but, he is my Dad…


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to decribe my favourite spec, I'd written this..

14:31 Jun 08 2007
Times Read: 1,204


Reflections On The Mere







It is a warm sunny day and the trees that grow high around the Mere find their existence mirrored in darker hues upon its still water.

The man sits, as he has done recently, on one of two bench seats with a clear view of the mere.

He takes from a jacket pocket a decorated tobacco tin and takes out a ready - roll and lights it.

Lighting up, he closes his eyes momentarily, as he tastes the bitter sweet smoke.

With his third and fourth inhalation, the man allows his mind to wander, until finally he mutters aloud,

“Time factor ... now minus ten ... “ and calmer once more, he opens his eyes fully, his mind at peace,

as he looks at the vista around him, his recent problems receding into nothingness ...

In front of him , the road splits into three: the right turn, a small road leading to the farmhouse of the mere’s owner, who also owned much of the land in the surrounding area; to his left was the road leading to the rest of the greenbelt community and forking from it, the road to town; whilst ahead the road disappears beneath a canopy of trees, as hill rises upward, past a scattering of fine old houses, into a housing estate and the road into the village, then town. Everywhere he looks the man sees trees, of every size, genus and possible variant of green and he is entranced by it all ...

And lowering his field of vision through his glasses he continues his study.

To his left, about twenty - five yards ahead are the white double gates to the old Mill House.

The building is white - washed, with a traditional thatched roof, and though it is a little obscured by the surrounding greenery, its man - made beauty serves as a perfect counterpoint to his view of the natural beauty of the Mere itself.

The open stretch of water was covered on three sides by trees and on it live the ducks, moorhens and the visiting birdlife and it is a quiet idyl away from the world’s ills and thus attracts many visitors of varied types ... that was why he came here.

From the base of the hill, to the turn to his right that led to to the farm, a wall of stone roughly hewn surrounds the mere. There are six concrete bollards after the walls end and the steps and a path leading to a locked gate and fence; where pleasure boats used to be hired from and where fishermen now sit.

When people come, with bread for the ducks that live on the mere, he watches them ...

Today his gaze was drawn to a red sports car, parked across from where he sits, it’s top down.

In front of the car, sitting either side of the last bollard before the steps were two women, their feet dangling but inches from the dark waters surface.

The woman to the right has the build of a slim young man, ‘with curves in all the right places, ‘ he thinks.

Both women wore similar clothing, checked shirts and light blue jeans, cut tight.

The brunette, the bigger of the two wore a blue shirt and her friends is an orange brown in colour.

The lighter built woman has fair hair, wears small gold frame glasses, ‘and looks just like a librarian ... ‘

he muses, watching her smile, her body relaxed toward the brunette, who talks a lot.

From the corner of his eye he watches the pair, as car after car passes, it’s occupants occasionally stopping to feed the ducks bread, or simply admire the view.

He watches couples with young children; he sees the odd lone parent with child, both male and female;

as well as the occasional cyclist and walker stopping to rest awhile before continuing on their journeys.

And all the time he finds his attention is drawn again and again to the two women, watching, as they exchange banter, eating crisps and drinking beer.

A long haired blonde stands but feet away from them, smoking a cigarette and feeding the ducks.

The blonde wears a loose - cotton fabric dress and a light breeze catches at the fabric, billowing the skirt upward to expose an expanse of shapely leg and thigh and for a few moments their attention is not on one another, as they both turn to watch a blonde. Both the women, the fair - haired and the more muscular brunette return their gaze to one another after the momentary flash of skin and they both smile,

‘at a secret that only they know of ... ‘ he wonders, idly.



Then, as time moves on and the temperature becomes less warm, the brunette stands, extending a hand

to assist her companion to rise. ‘They look so in love,‘he considers, as they get in the car.

The brunette looks toward him a second, smiles, then turning to her friend they kiss briefly and suddenly the car is gone.

With little to watch and the sun no longer on his face, the man stands, brushes himself down and starts walking homeward. He walks with purpose, anxious to relate all that he has seen to paper, so he ignores the traffic and the occasional returning commuter.

‘It has been a pleasant sunny day, ‘ he thinks, a meal waiting at home and a story to tell.



* * *



Toward him a young woman strides, small of build, her exposed limbs well - tanned, her long dark hair parted in the middle and tied back in a bushy tail. She is wearing a green tee - shirt and khaki shorts,

in addition to tan ‘walking shoes’ and the small rucksack that she carries on her back.

As they approach each other on the narrow path, he notices her staring, with large, brown, doe - eyes

and as he moves to allow her to pass she says to him, at the end of this beautiful sunny day, directly and

quite charmingly, “Good afternoon. “

His mind races, until finally he finds voice, to return her greeting with “ Er, er ... Good afternoon.”

And once she has passed around him the ageing hippie continues home, still wondering whether the girl's accent was Germanic, or not ...













Fin.


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"stuffed"…

23:53 Jun 07 2007
Times Read: 1,207


I got taken for a beautiful Chinese meal after the working on the 'soup kitchen' tonight, at the Tai Pan in Everton.



The four of us went and left very pleasantly "stuffed" …a work that tickled my Chinese friend something rotten!


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Status and friendship on VR

23:49 Jun 05 2007
Times Read: 1,221




As I’d washed the windows earlier, on a blue-sky day, I’d mused on many things, as you do: well as I had, of all the people I’ve met on VR.

Of all those I’ve become acquainted with, some have worked hard at acquiring status within the hierarchy of VR and more power to them, for their enterprise.

Yet, only two of them keep in contact that is unless I prompt someone, with a direct question like, ‘What do you think of?’

I don’t think it’s deliberate, but it is noticeable, or I wouldn’t be able to say it

It just seems that its mandatory that if you acquire status, you stick to the main forum and seemingly forget those you’ve known.

I don’t think this is a slight to anyone, as I’m only writing of what is, what I know of.

But, I do think it’s sad.

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people rarely read my earlier stories ~

14:50 Jun 05 2007
Times Read: 1,225


I chose the name ‘Angelus’ after identifying with the first three episodes of the first series of the tv show.

I wrote two stories about the charcter, making every effort to get the story as accurate to Josh Wheedons original idea as possible.

But now..



The new Angel very short story I've just put up is an encapsulated idea given form. I'd very much appreciate some feedback on it, please!?!



And, a thought occurred to me: people rarely read my earlier stories ~

so, for to contextualise this new ‘Angel’ story I've re-posted the earlier ones: ( after deleting the previous posts, of course!!)



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the charcoal portait on my portfolio ~

11:57 Jun 05 2007
Times Read: 1,226




its one of two I acquired, after sitting for a portrait class.

I also sat for an art class nude one, to see what it was like.



it is interesting to see how others 'see' me.

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..said in answer to a question asked.

11:13 Jun 05 2007
Times Read: 1,227


hmmm.. I wish I were logical enough to actually 'see' a problem through before reacting to it, which is what I generally do.

I would say I either blank off emotion and 'therefore' pain, ot I swamp in it..


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The Demise Of Doctor Who

23:32 Jun 04 2007
Times Read: 1,231


I’ve just made effort to join 'Fans Like Us' prompted by a friends mention of a piece in the paper wherein she had read Dr. Who will end at the end of series four.

Well, I asked my friend Jon, who helped organise ‘Dr. Who at the Cavern’ What have you heard of this please?’



This is what my friend wrote, ‘Don't worry, it's a storm in a tea cup. Russel T. Davies has said that he wants to leave at the end of the fourth season, as the workload is getting to him, and all the tabloids have assumed that this will mean the end of the show. But the programme is bigger than one person and the BBC have confirmed that they have no plans to axe it. Obviously, a lot will depend on the ratings, but if they're as good as they have been for the last three years then I don't think we need worry. By then I feel certain the show will benefit from some new blood anyway. It's almost pretty certain that David Tennant will leave at the same time, if not before (there are rumours about him leaving at the end of this year's Christmas special, but Davies denies this - mind you, he denied that Kylie was going to be appearing in it, and now she is, so we'll just have to wait and see).’


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..today.

14:24 Jun 04 2007
Times Read: 1,233


I just finished proof-reading some stuff and now its still sunny, so its off to trim a privet hedge..


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Bum!

00:24 Jun 04 2007
Times Read: 1,240


proof read a powerpoint presentation

my eyes are still burning

and hand-washed my duvet

and er..

watered the garden: then it rained.



I started writing my third Angel story: then came to Vr and missed having a long chat to the Lady I wanted to. Bum!


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Botox

00:47 Jun 02 2007
Times Read: 1,247


they use it to poison my Mothers neck

so imagine the damage it can do

'Mothers neck'

'damage'

and 'poison'.. I think they're the key words there

there is a word for it.

but my Mums head turns one way

botox givs her stability

by killing the nerves to certain areas!



So, do you still want it?



remember: it is a poison. I'm told.


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